Assumptions

One of my major daily goals is to exercise by walking.  I have read that this is one of the best things that I can do for myself as the birthdays continue to pass at a rapid rate.  My primary care physician tells me that walking is one thing that keeps me in such good condition for “a man of your age”.

So, I try to walk at least 5 mornings each week.  Last year I walked a total of 1468 miles for which I was very pleased.

Rather than face the changing elements of walking outdoors, I have found myself a place with constant factors; I walk at my local Lowe’s Store.   I have three tracks laid out for me to take depending on the day:  3, 4 or 5 miles.

After 9 years, I have become a familiar face in this store both with the employees and the customers.  I still find myself entertained with the assumptions that people make about me and this process of walking.

Recently we were having one of those gorgeous spring/fall days in Georgia where the sun is out, the temperature is moderate, the humidity is low, etc.  One person approached me and told me that I should be walking outside in the fall weather not inside.

Of course, the word ‘should’ is one of those words that sets off alarms in my head and pushes the button of personal rebellion.  However, in this case, the major reaction was that he had no idea of why I chose to walk inside the building each day regardless of other factors.  


Like many others, he told me what to do based on what he himself would choose to do.  Perhaps being 40 years younger led him to assume that he knew better than myself where I should be walking.

I choose to walk inside Lowes  because the floor is always flat with no ridges or potholes, no sidewalk drop offs, no barking dogs with razor teeth, no tree branches to duck, a constant temperature of 70 degrees with consistent humidity, no blinding sunlight or concern about rain, pleasant chats with people without becoming involved, walking distances that are pre-measured, etc.  These are MY reasons for walking inside, but it is always interesting that people project their assumptions into my behavior.

Whenever we see people doing certain behaviors, it is easy for many of us to assume the reason that they are doing it because of some reason we believe that we know.  This behavior is similar to the human trait of having two people use the same word and yet have different definitions of what that word means to them.


Another major assumption that I have recently encountered is the belief held by some people in my world  that they know how I should be feeling and behaving as I manage to process the grief of my sister's death.  How can anyone know what I should be doing to handle a 68-year old relationship and convey these assumptions of knowledge to me?  How wonderful it is to encounter the person who can offer the gift of non-directive paths by being willing to realize that deep listening is such a treasure.

Since most of us tend to select to associate with people who we believe are similar to ourselves, it is very easy to jump to assumptions on why people make the choices that they do.  When our assumptions are met, we tend to feel positive toward these people.   When our assumptions are not met, we often feel mystified and frustrated with others and wonder what is wrong with them.

One can be encouraged to be cautious in making assumptions about people and/or situations.  An aid to this approach can be the quote: “Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape”.  Being able to listen carefully to others and retain flexibility in what we see can be most helpful in allowing us the positive handling of assumptions within our world.

Comments welcome.    Email:  sillverchatline@gmail.com

Two C's: Change and Choice

One year ago I wrote my first blog; it began the series known as Power for Positive Living.   Since that time a new blog about the power each of us has as individuals to mange the changes in our lives has been written and posted every two weeks.

I thank you for reading these essays and for the responses you have shared with me via email.

All that has been written during this first year reinforces the power of understanding and accepting the two C’s of life:  our lives are constantly changing and we continue to have the choice on how we manage living.

My life has changed during the past year and I have struggled to manage some of the more difficult parts.  My sister of 68 years died last month and my world will never be the same.  Another long-time friend died over the summer.  This summer I also learned that a friend of 30 years decided to take a different path of life and it did not include me; I am still mystified and hurt as no reason was every conveyed.  


As usual, the easier parts of the year were more comfortable in their  management.  The joy of watching my grand nephew grow to his 2^nd birthday, a trip to beautiful Hawaii,  meals and visits with family and friends, etc., all helped make this year most positive.


I know that changes in my life will continue between now and next October.  And, I shall continue to make choices on how I manage these changes.

My first blog is offered again today as a reminder that certain aspects of life continue to evolve and are as solid for our mental health today as anytime from our past.

*********

As a retired counseling psychologist, I have often been asked what are some key things that I have learned about others and myself that can aid one to have a healthy life as a senior. 

One of the key aspects of human behavior that I have observed over the years, and usually is confirmed by conversation, is that there are two basics in our lives that most of us continually struggle with in some form: change and choice, the two C’s.

Everything in our life is constantly in a process of change.  Some times the process is slow, while others times it happens so rapidly that we are stunned and find ourselves wondering what happened.   Sometimes the changes are pleasant, understandable and bring happiness to our world; sometimes the opposite occurs.

By the time we have reached our senior years, we have frequently become very skilled at resisting the changes taking place in ourselves, our friends, our families, our health, our finances, etc.  We invest a great deal of energy in seeking to have our worlds remain in what we see as a ‘normal’ state.  We want the world and the people in it to behave, as we believe they should!

The reality of change is a given in our lives.  The choices we make to manage these continuing changes are frequently the largest personal challenge we each face as individuals.  We have so many varied choices and sometimes lots of people who are eager to tell us what we should choose to think, feel and behave in leading our lives as we get older.  

Usually the major choice for most people is whether to accept or reject responsibility for the individual choices each of us makes.  Frequently we find that our ‘problems’ are usually not the changes that are taking place all around, but what decisions we do make when faced with change in others and ourselves.

As we talk with people in our world, it usually does not take long to learn to what degree an individual has chosen to be responsible for the choices he/she faces.   Many choose healthy, positive and nurturing attitudes and behaviors.   Others may choose to react to change with denial, displacement to others, rebellion, or victimization.

The easiest path is often to choose to not embrace changes and rely on habits and experiences from earlier years.  However, the healthiest route for happiness is usually to accept that we are free as individuals to decide to accept or resist the reality of change by the choices we make in how we feel and think about our world and ourselves.

How we handle these 2 C’s tend to make us the individuals we are at any stage in our lives.  It is an awesome personal power!

Comments are welcome!  Email: silverchatline@gmail.com