Personal Secrets

Is a person being dishonest if they make the choice not to tell other people a piece of information that they consider personal and prefer to keep a secret?

An email addressed to the Silver Chat Line arrived asking if a person was being dishonest when they preferred not to openly discuss their sexual orientation with others.  While this blog site is not an advice column, this email raises an interesting question about what is healthiest for us and to others when we choose not to disclose information about ourselves which may make us uncomfortable or may make the other person experience a degree of discomfort.

Our cultures are really not comfortable having open, honest and direct discussions about human sexuality even though we flood ourselves with sex in printed materials, movies, music, etc.  We can laugh about it or we can intellectualize it, but seldom do we feel safe enough to be open with our dialogues, especially if we and/or society may tend to see our feelings and behaviors as “different”.

This individual was sharing that the gay sexual feelings were a natural part of life.  He/she liked the idea of having a world in which we each took each other as we were and did not have negative stereotypes of certain groups.  However, he/she realized that this is not our cultural behavioral norm.

People tend to like to be with people who are like them; we like to associate with individuals who we consider “normal”.  Are we being dishonest with them if we choose to avoid disclosing certain things about ourselves where others may have judgmental attitudes and behaviors? 

Even though it is obvious that our creator made people in all different and diverse types, there are many who believe that everyone should have the same sexual orientation.  One could ask why people who have been created with different physical traits, emotional characteristics, etc., should all have the same sexual orientation?

Part of the socialization process is the sharing and receiving of information with others.  Some have the belief that the more information they give/receive with others, the more real and strong is the relationship.  There are probably individuals who would place their sexual orientation on a highway billboard since they believe sharing personal information is always “good”.

Some like to give out personal information in measured amounts to people with varying degrees of closeness.  They see personal characteristics such as sexuality as secrets that are only shared with persons who have earned a degree of trust.

Another question that can be considered is how much personal information do others really want to know about us?   If they know some information they may need to do something about it.   Not knowing is sometimes easier and may avoid internal conflicts. 

For example, someone with a conservative religious background may find it much easier to not know about a person’s sexual orientation if that type of information conflicts with her/his personal and religious value system.  Ignorance can offer bliss. 

Like many other areas of personal growth, the answer to this question is within each individual.  It remains our personal choice to decide what honesty in sharing personal information entails – whether something is to be shared or kept as a personal secret.

Comments welcome.     Email: silverchatline@gmail.com