Poor Me

There are many choices for each of us in how we wish to interact with the people around us.  Most of these choices are based on our core beliefs about ourselves and other people.

If we have a positive and healthy self-image of ourselves with a belief system that encourages us to respect and nurture ourselves, we tend to choose attitudes and behaviors that bring happiness and cheerfulness to others and ourselves.

One of the most challenging behavior patterns that we face in ourselves is the temptation to practice victimology, a way of interacting with the world in the life style of being a victim. Unfortunately, some aspects of our society make it easy to take on this victim role and thus it does become a challenge for us not to see ourselves as a person with a big “V” stamped on our forehead.

Our minds tell us rationally and logically that being a victim is no fun and usually brings stress and anxiety into our lives.  So, why do so many choose this way of behaving?

First, when we see ourselves as a victim, it is often with the sincere belief that this is true and we are unable to make choices that are different.  It is difficult to use reason to challenge a strong personal belief such as not being able to truly choose.  One of the functions of each person’s belief system is to protect and defend the view we have of the individual we see ourselves as being.  We often will argue long and hard to convince ourselves that our perception of personal reality is true and our ability to make choices is limited.

Second, it is unfortunate that being a victim tends to feel good for many.   If we have poor self-image, being a victim acts as a confirmation of our belief.  We are then right about ourselves and that usually feels better for most people than being wrong!

Third, being a victim elicits some degree of sympathy and caring from people around us.  People who see themselves as kind and helpful people like to assist victims since that behavior also supports their own self-image.  Also, people will tend to defer to the victim’s needs by sacrificing some of their own.

Fourth, a victim is usually allowed some relief from any personal responsibility that they might have for the messed-up situation in which they find themselves.  Personal responsibility for the choices we make in behaviors and attitudes can be a heavy burden for many people.  For these individuals, it is easier to be free of responsibility and allow victim hood to take over.  Being free of our own responsibility allows us to pass it along to those who get their positive self-image by being helpful to the victims of the world.

Are there situations in our world where people truly are victims of circumstances and where they do not have choices about what happens to them?  Of course there are.  

We do not choose to bring natural disasters like tornados or earthquakes into our lives.  We do not choose to acquire a cancer or lose a loved one.  We can be victims and truly need assistance from others of the human family.  

For the healthy person, the choice is how to take the victim-status situation and seek ways to confront and manage ourselves positively for change rather than being a victim with a continuous life style of “poor me”.

Comments Welcome.   Email:  silverchatline@gmail.com

Changing Belief Systems

We start our life journey with the care and support of our parents.

One of their primary jobs is to establish the basic systems of beliefs that are important to them and they believe will enable their children to have healthy and productive lives.

Just as there are many ways of raising children, there are many different core belief systems available for parents to teach as their children grow from babies into adults.   It is not unusual for parents to teach the system of beliefs about life that they were taught themselves by their own parents.  This pattern establishes a history for many beliefs to pass from generation to generation.

One of the ways for groups to live and work together is to have some core beliefs that encourage cohesive forces to operate.  Having a similar belief system allows us to understand others and for them to feel safer and more comfortable around us. 

Therefore, almost all of the groups in our society, including the society itself, work to structure and encourage similar beliefs so that we can function together and minimize or avoid the time and energy drained when there is discord.  Without the presence of similarity in cohesive core beliefs, it is almost impossible for a group to survive for any significant period of time.

Regardless of what our parents teach or social organizations impose, there are always a few persons who choose not to subscribe to what they were taught is the best way to live life.

They may choose to rebel again the core beliefs of a group such as the many schools where the norm is that everyone learns best in the same way and at the same pace with the same 50-minute period of time.  A choice of individuality in learning or any other behavior/belief usually brings conflict between the individual and the group.  To avoid these conflicts, groups use strong pressures to keep everyone on the same page of beliefs.

As one grows older, he/she finds that many of the beliefs that they have been taught are no longer true for them.  Some are able to confront these and make the change easily such as there is no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny.   Changes like the reality that not everyone has an equal chance to be President of the United States are usually not too difficult for most of us.

However, if an individual decides to challenge and change his/her belief in other areas, they often find themselves threatening to many groups in which they live their lives.

Groups have various degrees of difficulty in allowing individuals to change beliefs as:

·      Going to college is the best way to get a good-paying job.

·      There is on only one way to be patriotic.

·      My religion is the only one that is true for all people.

·      Being completely honest in all behavior is best for all.

·      Hard work is the best way to economic success.

·      Certain ethnic groups have unique negative characteristics.

·      Capitalism is the best economic system in the world.

·      All people prefer to live with a democratic government.

·      Fighting for what you believe is the best way to achieve it.

·      Living in a similar style of house is the best way to protect my property values.

As we travel along life’s path, we are constantly challenged to evaluate and make choices about the beliefs that we have been taught are best.   If we decide to make changes in these beliefs, we soon find that we have minimum support from most of our society.

Comments Welcome.   Email:  silverchatline@gmail.com