There are many choices for each of us in how we wish to interact with the people around us. Most of these choices are based on our core beliefs about ourselves and other people.
If we have a positive and healthy self-image of ourselves with a belief system that encourages us to respect and nurture ourselves, we tend to choose attitudes and behaviors that bring happiness and cheerfulness to others and ourselves.
One of the most challenging behavior patterns that we face in ourselves is the temptation to practice victimology, a way of interacting with the world in the life style of being a victim. Unfortunately, some aspects of our society make it easy to take on this victim role and thus it does become a challenge for us not to see ourselves as a person with a big “V” stamped on our forehead.
Our minds tell us rationally and logically that being a victim is no fun and usually brings stress and anxiety into our lives. So, why do so many choose this way of behaving?
First, when we see ourselves as a victim, it is often with the sincere belief that this is true and we are unable to make choices that are different. It is difficult to use reason to challenge a strong personal belief such as not being able to truly choose. One of the functions of each person’s belief system is to protect and defend the view we have of the individual we see ourselves as being. We often will argue long and hard to convince ourselves that our perception of personal reality is true and our ability to make choices is limited.
Second, it is unfortunate that being a victim tends to feel good for many. If we have poor self-image, being a victim acts as a confirmation of our belief. We are then right about ourselves and that usually feels better for most people than being wrong!
Third, being a victim elicits some degree of sympathy and caring from people around us. People who see themselves as kind and helpful people like to assist victims since that behavior also supports their own self-image. Also, people will tend to defer to the victim’s needs by sacrificing some of their own.
Fourth, a victim is usually allowed some relief from any personal responsibility that they might have for the messed-up situation in which they find themselves. Personal responsibility for the choices we make in behaviors and attitudes can be a heavy burden for many people. For these individuals, it is easier to be free of responsibility and allow victim hood to take over. Being free of our own responsibility allows us to pass it along to those who get their positive self-image by being helpful to the victims of the world.
Are there situations in our world where people truly are victims of circumstances and where they do not have choices about what happens to them? Of course there are.
We do not choose to bring natural disasters like tornados or earthquakes into our lives. We do not choose to acquire a cancer or lose a loved one. We can be victims and truly need assistance from others of the human family.
For the healthy person, the choice is how to take the victim-status situation and seek ways to confront and manage ourselves positively for change rather than being a victim with a continuous life style of “poor me”.
No comments:
Post a Comment