Listening Is Loving

How many people in your world do you consider to be good listeners?  How many of these same people would consider you to be a good friend?

It is probably fair to say that most of us believe that the world is short of people who care to listen to us.  It is rare for any of us not to have at least once complained in our lives that we are irritated or angry when a specific person chooses not to listen to us, especially since we believe we have something important to say.

There are many ways to show others that we care for them and that we love them as family and friends.  One of the most valued ways that we convey this love is when we choose to give another person the gift of our listening to them. 

Because this gift often appears so simplistic and seems easy to give, we often overlook its value in expressing our love for another.  Yes, when we decide to listen to someone, we also decide to give him or her a gift of human love.

Lots of articles have been written about the skills of active and passive listening.  Is one method any better or more effective in conveying our caring than the other?  Is one way easier for us to externally demonstrate that our listening is a gift of love?

Active listening usually includes the exchange of words, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc.  We use various methods to structure an atmosphere where people can freely express themselves.  We ask questions not for the answers we want to hear, but to encourage another to seek a personal answer that will allow him or her to understand better their own self-image.

With active listening, our comments are offered to encourage people to talk about themselves.  We can offer statements that reflect our understanding of what is being said in an effort to help the individual better clarify their responses.  We can offer encouragement with statements like “tell me more about that”.

With active listening we can use eye contact and body posture to indicate that we really are listening to the person rather than just waiting for them to finish their thoughts so that we can move on to what many consider more important --- what I have to say.

The way we choose to indicate our gift of listening to another depends on the traits of that individual.   Just as we purchase gifts individually rather than try to give a “one gift fits all” approach, our gift of listening should also be individualized.

Sometimes an individual prefers the gift of passive listening.  With this form of listening, we usually rely more on non-verbal cues to indicate that we are present, we care and we are closely listening to what is being said. 

Non-verbal cues can be offered by nodding of the head, smiling, leaning forward to be closer to the person, offer short phrases like “yes, I see”, or being willing to sit in silence.  Passive listening is focused on attempting to minimize the chance that our words can interfere with our gift of listening.

One of the realities in our world is that most people think about me far less frequently than I do.   When I find a true listener who loves me by listening, I respond positively to that treasure.  And, when I want to convey my love for another, I tell them that I am thinking of them before myself by giving the gift of listening.

Comments welcome.   Email:  silverchatline@gmail.com