Personal Journaling

For the wise, travel through one’s Life Journey is a continual process of learning and personal growth.  Regardless of our age and life history, there is always so much to learn about ourselves.   We can use various methods to evaluate how our personal choices are working for or against us.

If one is fortunate, they will make a personal retreat happen in their life.  This is a process where one retreats from his or her everyday environment for an extended period of time to a place that supports the process of introspection.  For many, this experience is enriched by the presence of a personal facilitator to add another human dimension and appropriate guidance when sought. 

Since a personal retreat is personal, there are many forms that it can take to allow a person to focus on who they are, where they have been or where they wish to go in the future.  There is no one ‘best’ form for this process of personal growth.

One of most valuable friends that I have found for myself on a personal retreat as well as for other periods in my Life Journey has been a personal journal.  This friend is where I communicate by writing and use other creative processes to record my feelings, thoughts and actions.  In this series, a friend is defined as someone with whom you can dare  to be yourself.

Like most friendships, each of us develops a personal style of mutual behaviors creating our journals to meet our individual needs.  There is no right or wrong way to produce one’s journal any more than there is to develop a friendship with another.  “To thy own self be true” is the goal I use for my journaling process.

There are many factors for each of us to consider when we decide to create and maintain a personal journal.  And, like other friendships, these factors are individual, personal and change over time as our relationship grows and matures.

Listed are some factors that each of us can consider as we decide what we want our journal friend to be.

1.  A journal is not the same as a diary or scrapbook, but can have many of the characteristics of both.  A journal usually has much more depth than these, but can include descriptions of events, people, memorabilia, etc.

2.  What goals does the individual wish for the journal to meet?  Being specific can be most helpful, even when these goals may change over time.

3.  What will be the frequency that one interacts with their journal?  Some people choose to interact daily, several times each day, every other day, or weekly, etc.   What length of time will one choose to spend with their journal to allow the relationship to become most effective?

4.  What form will one choose?  Will it all be written, or will it include art forms?  Using modern technology allows there be audio and/or video parts.   Will one style of writing be used or will it vary by mixing poetry with prose? 

5.  After one begins their journal, will one tend to stay with consistency in the format and content of their journals?   Will one be willing and maybe eager to experiment with their journal friendship by introducing new components?  It is sad that so many stay with a pattern with which they are familiar rather than experiment with ways which may provide more nurturance  and enrichment.

6.  As time passes, does one notice any changes in the degree of honesty and intimacy that one has with their journal?  If there are changes, what does that convey about your personal growth?

7.  At some point, almost everyone faces  the question of whether they wish to share a part of their journal with another person.   Depending on the personality type of the individual and the contents of the journal, this can be a very difficult choice for many.  Sharing one’s self with others at a deep personal level is a goal for some while keeping that part of self very personalized is the choice of others.

Hopefully compiling a journal can be one way to aid you in your personal Life Journey.

Comments welcome.   Email:  silverchatline@gmail.com

Me Responsible?

Most of us grow into adulthood and finally accept that we are the one who is responsible for our thoughts and behaviors.  Much of childhood and adolescence is spent in trying to be responsible for only the fun things in life and trying to displace the responsibility for any messes somewhere else.

Most people follow a path that says that when one leaves the chronological age of being a child or a youth, it is time to behave in an adult manner with ourselves and with other people. 

However, there are always some who believe that the goal of life is to accept personal responsibility for the positive happenings and find someone else to blame for the negative.  Unfortunately, immature attitudes like this can give living a bad name.

Becoming an adult by age or physical development does not guarantee that one reaches the adult level of emotional maturity.  Understanding this concept can help one interact more realistically with those who have not reached the emotional maturity of adulthood, whether by choice or by some other causation.

When one chooses to be an active listener to people who are looking outsides of themselves for the solutions to their problems or attempting to find someone to blame for their situations, it pays to be cautious with these people regardless of how eager one might be to offer assistance.

In counseling classes, one important foundation is offered early and frequently by instructors:  when listening to the life story of another person, it is wise to remember that the talker retains ownership of any situation or problem contained within. 

Unfortunately, people who want to help people often attempt to take over the problem and make it their own.  Almost no one learns how to solve a situation when someone else is there to relieve them of the stress, anxiety or other negative outcomes.

Yes, support though listening hospitality can be helpful for most people.  It does not involve being a preacher, judge, social worker, etc., to relieve the person of their own situations.  To be a mature adult, we are the ones who assume responsibility for our own thoughts, beliefs, feelings and behaviors.

A similar thought that can be helpful in listening to people tell their life stories without taking charge is to recall:  when I do what I have always done, I will get what I have always got. 

For many listeners there is the tendency to take the responsibility away from another by telling them how they can do something different if they expect a different result.  For the person telling his/her story, repeating the same behavior over and over is one way to displace any responsibility for negative outcomes outside of themselves. 

One of the sad realities of life is that many people do not want a different outcome because it does involve the work of doing something different.  Embracing change is a most difficult behavior for many.  Why do that IF one can find another person to take responsibility for my problem or do a repetitive and familiar behavior that does not alter my situation? 

Also, listeners would be wise to know that if their suggestions do not meet the outcomes expected by another, the blame will soon be back with the one who tried to be helpful.

Listening hospitality is a gift that we can offer to another person.  Like other gifts, it is given with no attachments or expectations.   Our responsibility is to be direct, honest, caring, etc. when we give the gift of listening.  It does not involve assuming responsibility for the burdens of another that may encourage them to return to the behaviors of childhood and/or adolescence where someone or something is responsible for what is happening in their world.

Comments welcome.   Email:  silverchatline@gmail.com