Seeking Professional Counseling

At one time, it was a sign of shame that anyone would admit they needed some assistance with the many challenges that most of us face in the daily process of living life.

When I opened my first clinical practice in 1973 at a medical clinic in North Carolina, my office was placed in the back of the building so that no one could see into the waiting room.  There was a separate appointment book kept under the reception desk counter so that no one could accidentally read who had made an appointment.

Patients could even leave by a back door if privacy was a very important issue.  Naturally, only those with the most severe psychic pain chose to come to the office even though I was the only licensed psychologist in the county.  Reaching out to individuals with ‘normal’ pains and stresses was and is a continuing process for me.

Even with all of the progress of acceptability made in the mental health fields since 1973, it is unfortunate that much of our society today is more supportive and accepting of individuals with physical wounds and illness than emotional ones.

The counseling relationship is one that focuses on changing an individual's thought patterns and behaviors.  Most of us know that real change is seldom easy or pleasant.  Yet, without change, one is usually destined to continue with the same set of stresses which prevent the development of positive mental health.


Many individuals choose to use a friend's ear when they are in pain regardless of the friend's skills and abilities.  Most friends try to make the person feel better with their assistance.  Fortunately, a counselor is not restrained by this.  Counseling is often a process where the focus is healing and the goal is long-term health rather than situational quick-fixes.  During this process the individual may or may not feel better in the short term as he confronts and implements a healing program for his/her long-range emotional health.


A personal challenge for many is accepting the reality that they do need some type of professional assistance in handling their psychic pain.  Unfortunately, denial is a very strong defense mechanism as is rationalization while 'wishing' for magical change is always popular.

Even after an individual is willing to seek professional assistance for emotional problems, one of the remaining challenges for many is finding a qualified and suitable mental health professional with whom to visit and work on personal issues.

Like any service-related business, there are many ways to seek out a mental health professional.  The one that seems to work the best for many people is personal referral.  This method does require one to disclose to another that they are seeking mental health assistance and this may be uncomfortable for some.  However, input from someone who has received the same service can be very educational for what one is seeking.

It can be confusing to understand the difference between the various fields of mental health workers.  There are psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, licensed professional counselors, religious and spiritual advisers, etc.  It seems that there are many different counselor-types  for each individual to consider.

Self-education can help an individual tell the difference between what each specialty offers.  There are state licensing boards and professional organizations that can offer a great deal of assistance with the factual aspects of choosing a mental health professional.

While mental health counseling is a service-oriented process, choosing a counselor is far more personal than selecting a barber or car mechanic.  If one lives in a community with a diversity of mental health specialties, the most challenging part for an individual is finding the professional where there is a 'personal fit' as well as one who is professionally qualified in his/her knowledge.   This relationship is going to be very personal so finding a professional who has the personality that matches your needs is a fundamental beginning.

Other factors to consider will be cost (insurance-qualified), location and availability for appointments.  The factor considered the most important to many professionals is TRUST.   Is this person someone who I can trust with my most personal thoughts and feelings in a confidential setting without concern or apprehension?

One of the most frequent concerns for those who have not had professional counseling before, is the expectation that they need to find the “perfect counselor” the first time.  There is no such thing as a perfect counselor any more than there is a perfect spouse, parent, child, friend, job, church, etc. 

One may consider counseling as being similar to a dating process.   Most go on the first date to learn more about the other person and their reactions to them while placing themselves on display for the other. 

The main goal of a first date is often to determine if one wants to go on a second date.  The same is frequently true of a counseling session:  did you have a positive enough experience to want to return to spend more time and share more of self with this person?  

Some counselors talk about these feelings at the conclusion of the first session while others may not.  Some clients are comfortable discussing that their goals are or are not being met; others prefer to skip this.  Since it your counseling session, you have the right to express your expectations to the counselor.  

If you are not connecting with a professional counselor, many of them will assist you by making referrals to another counselor with whom you may find to be more personable to your style of communicating.

The main challenge is for the individual to be honest with him/herself in making a decision on what direction to go with their need to receive some type of external assistance in handling the normal stresses of living.  

There are many who believe God made plenty of humans so that we would never be without the opportunity for assistance on this earth when we need it.  Regardless of one's spiritual or religious beliefs, an individual is always free to seek out others who are willing to assist.  Whether one actually acts on this fact or makes the choice to retain their stresses is always a personal choice.

Comment welcome.   Email: silverchatline@gmail.com