Aging As Happiness

One of the most fascinating parts of our American culture is the perception of many people that one grows unhappier as each birthday indicates another year of aging.

Most of us have met people who want to minimize any attention to their birthdays and the entire process of getting older.  These individuals perceive that aging brings on the negative aspects of poor health, limited physical activity, job discrimination, etc. 

Do some of these real characteristics of aging limit a person’s choices to be happy?   Of course they can be a factor.   There are negative aspects of being older just as there can be negative aspects of being young.  At any age we face the reality that our lives are constantly changing in some way and we have choices on how we manage those changes.

We live in a society where youth is highly valued.  We spend a fortune on keeping ourselves looking younger.  Our verbal comments of approval are often given to those of us who have a youthful look, especially after the ‘middle years’ of life.  To “look old” is frequently seen as a discounting the value of that person in the eyes of many.

Are many seniors in poor moods because they are older or because of some other factor like becoming “invisible” to the eyes of many young people?  Or is it because they do have pain as their body does age and, like any machine, develops parts that do not work as well after 70 or 90 years of use? 

Do seniors themselves buy into this cultural propaganda that aging should lead them to unhappiness?  Resisting this belief can be a challenge when one is constantly receiving commercial messages that happiness comes only when one is active and youthful in their behavior.  Resisting this biased message can be even more difficult when family and friends are sharing, often uninvited, their own views of how one should behave as we age.  If one hates to age, most of their energy goes to the hate rather than managing any positive aspects of life.

My own experience is that we seniors frequently see ourselves as more happy in our older years than when we were younger.   Do we miss some of the characteristics of youth?  Yes, many of us do, but we have also acquired maturity about living that was not available to us in our youth.

One asset of being a senior is that we have a good idea of who we are as an individual.   We can understand and accept our personal assets and liabilities.  We know our life accomplishments and how we have been blessed to give and receive from so many persons.

We have knowledge of what is really important to us such as relationships with family and friends.  Religion and spirituality are more understandable and we integrate them into our lives more easily.  We know that illness is one part of our life journey and we acknowledge the power we have to define ourselves as being more than a collection of illnesses.   With this knowledge of ourselves we can be less fearful of the future and we can be more open in expressing our beliefs and values to others.

Finally, one aspect of aging that contributes to our choice to be happy with our attitudes and behavior is the coming to a peace with the limitations of time spent on this earth.  We know that death will eventually come to all of us, even if our culture discourages us from openly talking about it.  As we age, we are able and willing to acknowledge that this gift of life will end at some point.  Making the most of what is left of our life gift allows us to choose to be as happy as we decide we want to be.

Comments welcome.     Email:  silverchatline@gmail..com

Is That All?

One of the most challenging tasks that many of us face is to convey an abstract or non-physical concept to another.  It can be difficult to have someone understand something that is not easily seen, or touched, and has no odor or sound.  An idea that does not fit into a person’s  “norm” of life can test the creativity of one who is trying to have another person understand.

One of the foundations of this blog series has been build on the concept of listening hospitality with the belief that truly listening to another person is a rare, but very valuable gift.  Yet with so many people who see listening as basically not talking, it can be difficult to convey the unique value of caring and loving listening.

 One of my recent projects has been to establish, organize and maintain a Listening Post in the county where I live.  The foundation of the Listening Post is to offer listening hospitality in a safe and confidential environment without any advice giving, judging, preaching, problem solving, or counseling.

While sharing the vision of this program possibility with a friend of many years, his reaction to offering the gift of listening in a program format was: “Is that all?”  It took some dialogue for him to see that people can need to give and receive listening without the exchange of monetary currency.

If you were to talk to a hair stylist, bartender, barber, sales person or almost anyone who deals with the public, you will learn that much of their daily job duties involve listening to other people, regardless of whether it is part of their official job description.

If you attend a social gathering like a party or an organization like a church, you soon realize that the leaders and the ones who are liked the most are the ones who are skilled in listening to others.  They are at the center of any sub-groups because people like being with them.

Several years back there was a movie called “Oh, God” with George Burns and John Denver.  In the last scene of the movie Denver’s character asks God (Burn’s character), if we “could talk together sometime” as he had enjoyed and learned so much from their conversations.  God responds with the true essence of prayer by saying: “You talk, I’ll listen”.

Carrying that same thought a bit further, one can see that one of the major values of having a prayer life is that one gets to talk about anything they wish.  There are no proper or forbidden topics.  One can be open about whatever is in their head and heart. 

There is no time limit or interruption from any heavenly deity.  As one old song goes “there is no busy signal on the hotline to God”.   Many people are often amazed that they get “answers” to their prayers by learning to listen to what they themselves are saying in prayer regardless of the format one chooses to use.

The Listening Post program is offering this same gift coming from a human being rather than a deity.  The volunteer is present for the people who need the concrete presence of a caring human to listen and respond. 

There will always be people who do not recognize the true difficulty of keeping their mouth closed (two eyes, two ears, and only one mouth to be used in this proportion).  Yes, we do live in a society that rewards talking, which makes a true and caring listener even more rare.

So, the next time someone says “Is that all?”, when you are offering the gift of listening hospitality without any prerequisites, you can remind yourself what a loving and powerful gift you are truly giving even when many do not understand the concept.

Comments welcome.   Email:  silverchatline@gmail.com