Just Fine

Many of us recognize that a number of our interactions with other people are ritualized. We as a society have agreed that following certain behaviors and having certain attitudes help us get along with each other.


In order to give these rituals certain validity, we attach the label of ‘normal’ so that others and we can feel more comfortable. To not be ‘normal’ is usually classified as being defective or dysfunctional; we justify ourselves by attaching the label of ‘abnormal’ on different behaviors and attitudes.


One of the most interesting rituals to me is asking a question of someone when we meet and then not even making a pretense of listening to the response.


Rather than say “Hi” or “Hello” or “Good Morning” where no response is solicited and none is expected, many people choose another form of greeting which comes in a question form.


Back in the old days of college teaching, I taught a class entitled Abnormal Psychology (now called Psychopathology). One goal I had was for the student to experience the feelings that come when others see one as being abnormal. And, I do believe that people do let you know when you are not meeting their expectations of social behavior!


One of the class assignments for each student was to structure some type of behavior where others would see him/her as being “odd, weird, or strange” (but, always legal). Each student was to practice this behavior in front of others without telling them what they were doing. Then they recorded how they themselves reacted to doing the behavior and how they felt with the reactions from others.


One of my favorites was when a student decided to create a ‘non-normal’ response to the inquiry: “how are you?” or “how it is going?” as he walked across the college campus.


One of his responses was: “I died this morning, but am just FINE”. He wanted to test how many people bother to listen to his response to their question. The response rate for those who stopped and asked him about what he said ranged from 15 to 20%. When tried in different ways during different semesters, the outcome was about the same; one is lucky if 1 in 5 persons hear what we said as we greet each other.


Most of the people who have heard me share my views about our interpersonal behaviors with each other, know that I believe that there are very, very few listeners in this world whether it be to those we know or do not know. We seem most comfortable in greeting others when we hear the response of “just fine” even when we need to fill in those words as a response.


Perhaps as a personal challenge along our own path of personal growth we could practice listening to responses if we choose to ask a question of another person.


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