Saying Goodbye

Our lives are full of people who enter and leave our lives. Some stay a long time like our parents, relatives, or “historical” friends. Others pass through our lives so quickly, that often it is difficult to recall whether they ever were present.


For most of us, saying “hello” is the easier part of developing a relationship. For the true short-timers in our lives, we can often get a “hello” and “goodbye” in the same sentence.


After some time has been spent with another person, we develop some degree and variety of attachment to them. For a shallow degree of attachment, it easy is to let go of a person from our lives and say goodbye.


The reverse is also true where we have invested a great deal of time and energy to a relationship. We find it difficult to conclude a deep/close relationship with a goodbye that is positive for our own health.


The intensity of our reactions to handling a goodbye depends on a number of factors. For example, it usually easier for the person who is leaving for some other place to say goodbye. For the one who is left remaining in the same place/situation, it frequently is more difficult to feel good about a goodbye.


If the goodbye has a time limit such as when one goes on a two-week vacation, we usually find easier to say goodbye than when the departure is open-ended or permanent. It can also be easier to say goodbye when the departure brings a sense of relief to one or both of the parties involved.


Even though our lives have many goodbyes taking place over the years, it is much more difficult for some to verbalize a goodbye than it is for others. Some find it so difficult that they cannot do it in any manner and they depart without any form of goodbye. The one who is left just notices that the person is no longer present in their world. These people are left with the feeling of “what happened” or they may decide to embrace a neurotic behavior such as wondering “what did I do wrong to have this happen?”


For other people, they may dislike the discomfort of verbally telling another goodbye or saying it face-to-face where they are open to questions from the one being left. These persons may prefer to use a written form such as emails or “Dear John” –type of letters.


In our society the most difficult goodbye that we face is when a person we love and care about is about to die. We have a difficult time talking about death. We usually have difficulty talking directly with a family member and/or dear friend who are in their last days.


Pain is often present when the one who is departing is ready to say goodbye, while their family and friends are not ready to let them go. We are who are left behind find it so difficult to let go -- even when in our hearts we know that it may be better for the other person to leave. Sometimes it is more difficult than we can handle, so we think of ways of delaying the enviable goodbye by not talking about it or rationalizing our behavior it some manner.


Yes, saying a healthy goodbye is one of many life challenges. As with so many aspects of living, we each individually are the ones who choose how we behave.


Goodbye to 2009. What choices will you make to have a positive and happy 2010?


Comments are welcome. Email: silverchatline@gmail.com