One of the most fascinating parts of our American culture is the perception of many people that one grows unhappier as each birthday indicates another year of aging.
Most of us have met people who want to minimize any attention to their birthdays and the entire process of getting older. These individuals perceive that aging brings on the negative aspects of poor health, limited physical activity, job discrimination, etc.
Do some of these real characteristics of aging limit a person’s choices to be happy? Of course they can be a factor. There are negative aspects of being older just as there can be negative aspects of being young. At any age we face the reality that our lives are constantly changing in some way and we have choices on how we manage those changes.
We live in a society where youth is highly valued. We spend a fortune on keeping ourselves looking younger. Our verbal comments of approval are often given to those of us who have a youthful look, especially after the ‘middle years’ of life. To “look old” is frequently seen as a discounting the value of that person in the eyes of many.
Are many seniors in poor moods because they are older or because of some other factor like becoming “invisible” to the eyes of many young people? Or is it because they do have pain as their body does age and, like any machine, develops parts that do not work as well after 70 or 90 years of use?
Do seniors themselves buy into this cultural propaganda that aging should lead them to unhappiness? Resisting this belief can be a challenge when one is constantly receiving commercial messages that happiness comes only when one is active and youthful in their behavior. Resisting this biased message can be even more difficult when family and friends are sharing, often uninvited, their own views of how one should behave as we age. If one hates to age, most of their energy goes to the hate rather than managing any positive aspects of life.
My own experience is that we seniors frequently see ourselves as more happy in our older years than when we were younger. Do we miss some of the characteristics of youth? Yes, many of us do, but we have also acquired maturity about living that was not available to us in our youth.
One asset of being a senior is that we have a good idea of who we are as an individual. We can understand and accept our personal assets and liabilities. We know our life accomplishments and how we have been blessed to give and receive from so many persons.
We have knowledge of what is really important to us such as relationships with family and friends. Religion and spirituality are more understandable and we integrate them into our lives more easily. We know that illness is one part of our life journey and we acknowledge the power we have to define ourselves as being more than a collection of illnesses. With this knowledge of ourselves we can be less fearful of the future and we can be more open in expressing our beliefs and values to others.
Finally, one aspect of aging that contributes to our choice to be happy with our attitudes and behavior is the coming to a peace with the limitations of time spent on this earth. We know that death will eventually come to all of us, even if our culture discourages us from openly talking about it. As we age, we are able and willing to acknowledge that this gift of life will end at some point. Making the most of what is left of our life gift allows us to choose to be as happy as we decide we want to be.
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