A familiar story helps demonstrate the challenges of helping others.
A heavy flood came to an area. As the rain fell, a man crawled to the roof of his house to wait for God to rescue him as his faith had taught.
A man with a canoe came by and offered help, but the man stayed on the roof saying that help was coming from God. Another person in an outboard motor boat came by and offered assistance, but the man did not get on board saying he was waiting for God to save him. A helicopter came to lift the man off of his drowning house; he declined saying that he still had faith in his God to come for him.
Eventually, the house was washed away and the man died. Upon his arrival in heaven, he complained to God about His neglect to save him. God replied that He had sent three ways to save the man, but since it was not what the man expected from God, he had chosen to perish.
Many of us who have the desire and temperament to offer help to those around us sometimes face a similar predicament. The gift of assistance we offer is not what the other person is specifically expecting, so they refuse to accept the gift.
We usually then have two frustrated people: the person who wants to give and cannot get his assistance accepted in the form offered as well as the person who wants help only in a certain manner and/or from a particular person/group.
For those who wish to help others, we often need to ask ourselves IF the assistance is wanted. There are people in our society who do not want to receive help from others. We could find ourselves in a situation like the Eagle Scout who tried to help the old woman cross the road when she didn’t want to go. How much does one force another to take help "for their own good"?
There are also individuals who take pride in their independence and see receiving help as some form of dependence on others. They do not want to bother others or they may believe that they are not worthy of the gifts that people want to offer. It is difficult to help someone who sees themselves as unworthy of assistance.
Other persons want their assistance in a specific form. For example, they may want money to handle their bills. They do not see the absence of health problems as a gift that allows them more money for other areas of living. It can be difficult to see that the old car that continues to run day after day is a valuable financial gift. Instead people can often be waiting to win a lottery or receive an inheritance. Like the man on the roof, they want their help from God to come in a specific format and at a special time.
The area of helping and being helped by others can further be complicated by the self-image each of us has as to who we are.
Often people who see themselves as a giver have a difficult time adapting to the receiver role. It is difficult to go against the personal roles of how we see ourselves since we have spent a lifetime building them.
Others who are in the receiver role can find themselves adapting to a victim-role or one who has expectations that others should help them. Before offering help to these persons it would be beneficial for both to determine what expectations each have of giving and receiving various types of assistance. Knowledge is helpful.
Being able to give assistance to others and receive help is part of what makes us the humans that we are. We tell others and ourselves what values and beliefs we have when we exercise the process of giving and receiving to others in our world.
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